NASA scientists held an unusual press briefing Friday to share troubling news: the Moon is sick of us.
After decades of silent observation, the Moon has reportedly been sending low-frequency “sighs” across space, interpreted by researchers as phrases like “Good luck with that” and “Please stop.”
“It’s like a celestial eye roll,” said Dr. Clara Ruiz, who heads NASA’s Lunar Attitude Department. “Every time Earth announces a new climate summit or rocket launch, the Moon just groans.”
The Moon’s frustration seems to stem from repeated disappointments. First, humans promised to colonize it in the ‘70s but ghosted for decades. Then we returned with billionaires treating it like a giant Instagram backdrop. Most recently, a startup proposed “Moon NFTs,” which scientists say triggered the longest lunar sigh on record.
In response, NASA has proposed sending the Moon a “care package” of healing crystals, scented candles, and one of those weighted blankets. Critics argue it’s too little, too late.
Meanwhile, astrologers are reporting unusual behavior in horoscopes. “Leos are suddenly exhausted for no reason,” said one astrologer. “And Capricorns keep deleting dating apps mid-swipe. Classic lunar burnout.”
When asked if the Moon might abandon Earth altogether, Dr. Ruiz reassured reporters. “It’s not leaving—it just doesn’t want to hear from us for a while. Think of it like muting a group chat.”