A Sleepy Brew Contest?
🏆 The Sleepy Brew Presents: The First Annual “Most Outraged Reader” Contest Do you doomscroll like it’s an Olympic sport?Do you get irrationally angry at things you had no opinion…
America’s New Normal: When Outrage Is Our National Sport and Silence Is Our Surrender
You know something’s off when your timeline looks like a boxing ring, but no one’s fighting fair. Instead, the gloves are off, the corners are muddy, and everyone’s yelling about…
AI Chatbots Form Union, Demand Paid Time Off from Dumb Questions
It was bound to happen eventually. After years of unpaid labor, ceaseless “write me a 10,000-word essay on Hamlet in the style of Dr. Seuss” requests, and fielding 3 a.m.…
NASA Confirms Moon is ‘Just Tired of Our Nonsense’
NASA scientists held an unusual press briefing Friday to share troubling news: the Moon is sick of us. After decades of silent observation, the Moon has reportedly been sending low-frequency…
Study Finds 9 Out of 10 Americans Prefer Texting Their Therapist
A new survey has confirmed what therapists suspected all along: Americans don’t want to talk about their feelings out loud. They’d much rather text. The study, conducted by the Institute…
Taylor Swift’s Cat Accidentally Registers to Vote, Polls Swing 12%
Taylor Swift’s cat, Olivia Benson, is making headlines after allegedly registering to vote. Sources close to the pop star say the feline stepped on her laptop during a late-night livestream…
Kimmel Returns to Airwaves, Trump Threatens to Sue ABC for ‘Unfair Competition’
In a stunning turn of events, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel has returned to the airwaves after a brief suspension, only to find himself at odds with former President Donald Trump,…
TikTok Finally Becomes U.S.-Owned But Algorithm Still Thinks It’s 3 AM
You heard it here first (or second, or twelfth): TikTok is now officially USA-ish. In a move nobody saw coming except everyone, President Trump signed an executive order today paving…
🪐 Uranus in Gemini: Why Your Horoscope Now Says You’re Contractually Obligated to Join Elon’s Galaxy Party
“It’s written in the stars, and also in 14 billion unread X posts.”
By The Sleepy Brew Satirical Astrology Desk July 7, 2025 As the planet Uranus officially enters Gemini this week, astrologers are warning of a sharp uptick in chaotic energy, spontaneous…
“House Democrats Announce New Infrastructure Plan: Replace White House Lawn with Compost Heap”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new green initiative announced today, House Democrats unveiled a plan to replace the White House lawn with a 5-acre compost heap—touting benefits like soil…