WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new green initiative announced today, House Democrats unveiled a plan to replace the White House lawn with a 5-acre compost heap—touting benefits like soil regeneration, climate activism, and the perfect excuse to stop mowing.
“It’s time to let the grass die so the planet can thrive,” said House Majority Leader Gloria Greenwell, presenting a giant “Compost America” flag. The plan reportedly pairs perfectly with “Pelosi’s Peat Tea,” a new herbal blend for grilling lobbyists.
Critics lambasted the idea as a “mulch-toned publicity stunt,” but supporters eagerly snapped pics of models posing in biodegradable suits. Meanwhile, Caterpillar stock soared for reasons nobody can quite explain. Even the White House lawn mower got a retirement party involving tofu cake and microgreens.
Filed under: Politics, Climate, Infrastructure, Satire
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