WASHINGTON, D.C. — Billionaire technocrat Elon Musk shocked America yesterday by officially registering the “America Party,” a centrist political movement that only accepts new members in Tesla stock—because “freedom tastes better with electric depreciation,” according to Musk’s X page.
“We’re tired of the old duopoly,” Musk posted, immediately triggering a 7% drop in Tesla shares. “But also tired of people who don’t own our cars. So membership will cost you.”
The move reignited a bitter feud with former ally Donald Trump, who accused Musk of losing his mind—while simultaneously threatening to rescind SpaceX contracts if Tesla shareholders aren’t “real Americans.”
Meanwhile, the financial world is scratching its head: Analysts warn that turning a political party into a piece of exchange-traded stock may violate securities laws—but hey, at least it’s tax-deductible?
Political watcher Sara Knowles commented, “This is peak techno-capitalism: governance by algorithms, voting by shareholder value, policy by quarterly earnings. It’s like Democratic Socialists met GitHub and freaked out.”
Filed under: Politics, Tech & Dystopia, Satire